Sexual Purity
Written by Ed Allen & John Everett
Friday, 17 November 2000 19:00
Notes from Men´s Breakfast
- Sex not an evil meant to be endured, but a gift meant to be enjoyed.
- But it is a secondary pleasure.
- God is the only source of eternal, underived pleasure. All other pleasure is secondary, derived, passing.
- Swimming against the tide of our culture. Tide getting stronger.
Some Interesting Facts
- 94% of good men with strong religious backgrounds have been exposed to pornography.
- 91% of men who grew up in ?Christian? homes have been exposed to pornography.
- 20% of married Christian men and 10% of clergy still masturbate using pornography.
- 60% of males fantasize about sex with someone other than wife.
- Estimated 10 million web sites will contain pornographic material by the end of the year 2000.
- Employees earning $75-100K annually are twice as likely to download porn at work than those earning less than $35K per year.
What is sexual purity?
- Sexual - how we use the ?instruments? of our body, how we manage sex, how we relate to objects of desire.
- Purity - root meaning is unblemished, clean. Not simply proper because that changes with time and place.
- Without blotches on our character, without actions that violate God?s standard, without stains in our thoughts, our habits, our history.
A. Right actions and right thoughts concerning sex
- To be clean and without blemish in action and thought. To think ?right? thoughts and act ?rightly? concerning sex.
B. Sexual purity begins with understanding what is ?right.?
- Most things related to our faith begin with right thinking. Change in thinking produces change in attitude, produces change in habit.
- What is right thinking? What causes blemishes uncleanness?
?Right? thinking on sex
A. God sanctions sex within the context of marriage. (See Genesis 2:24) Sex is an expression of complete unity.
- Christianity one of the few religions that does not denigrate the body. God himself took on a body.
- Biological reason for sex is procreation. Necessary. Part of God?s commission to us.
- But God has gone further and attached pleasure to it. Wanted us to enjoy what He had commanded.
B. In all other contexts sex is prohibited.
- Don?t fall for the argument that this makes Christians prudes. Have to acknowledge there are some limits on sexual expression. Christianity may limit it more strictly than some, but limiting it is not peculiar to our faith.
- (Without limits causes, disease, overpopulation ?)
- Why limit it to marriage? Guess ? but maybe because it is a dominant physical pleasure which will take over unless within the right context. We will be governed by it, unless lived out under the right kind of government itself.
- Tuba
C. In all other contexts sex is prohibited. (See 1 Corinthians 6:9)
- Sex with a partner other than your wife
- Sex with same-sex partner
- Sex before marriage
- Also see Leviticus 18
D. We do not need to have sex to be complete. (See 1 Corinthians 6:13; 7:1, 8-9)
- 6:13 gives us a Christian theology of the body. It is for the Lord.
- C. S. Lewis view of morality, 3 parts. Like fleet of ships
- How ships relate to one another
- How ships are in themselves (seaworthiness)
- That they go where they are intended to go
- According to our faith, we are made for God. That is our purpose. And we were made for eternity. Sex must be seen in this context.
E. Intentional lust is equivalent to adultery. (See Matthew 5:27)
Sex within Marriage is a Closed System
Effects of Immorality
Role of Sex in Marriage
- Strengthens the bond between man and wife.
- Fosters the growth of intimacy.
- Provides a special private time that excludes all others.
- Helps overcome conflicts and strife.
- Reduce stress and anxiety.
- Expression of love.
- Emotional security.
- Pleasure and FUN.
How do we get sexual purity?
A. Seek forgiveness and purification. (See Psalm 51)
- To the degree that your life has not been unblemished and clean, need to seek forgiveness and cleansing.
B. Honor God as God. (See Romans 1:18-32)
C. Discipline yourself through Bible study and Bible memorization. (See Psalm 119:9-11)
D. Strangle unholy desires. (See Colossians 3:5-6; Romans 6:11-14)
- Consider yourself dead to those desires (Romans 6). But more than that actively put those desires to death.
E. Aggressively avoid untrained desires; pursue Godliness. (See 2 Timothy 2:22)
What is the Cost of Sexual Immorality?
A. Beyond arousal, there is always a consequence. There is always a price to pay for sexual immorality.
B. Sexual immorality effects four key areas:
- Relationship with God.
- Relationship in Marriage.
- Relationship with Family.
- Job.
The Effects of Pornography
| Question | Yes | No |
|---|---|---|
| Was exposure to porn educational? | 2% | 98% |
| Was it helpful? | 3% | 97% |
| Was its effect neutral? | 3% | 97% |
| Was it harmful? | 84% | 16% |
| Do you feel it was degrading to women? | 80% | 20% |
| Does it promote violence toward women? | 58% | 42% |
| Does it degrade sex? | 71% | 29% |
| Is pornography addicting in any way? | 70% | 30% |
| Does it distort sexuality? | 82% | 18% |
| Was it destructive? | 71% | 29% |
How do we maintain Sexual Purity?
A. The correct environment.
- Confining sex exclusively to one?s partner is the only way to build a stable, long-lasting, and happy marriage.
- Keep the system closed.
- A lifestyle without pornography.
B. The correct character traits.
- Self control is a key ingredient in all sexual expression. (Gal 5:22-23)
- Choosing to restrict one?s sexual focus is a basic factor in character building. The quality of person you are is defined by this. It is a matter of self-discipline. (I Thess 4:4)
C. Flee pornography.
- The Attraction of Pornography
- The Power of Pornography
- The Reasons for Pornography
- Sex has become dehumanized.
- Conditioned by lust and habit.
- Attempt to revitalize flagging sex life.
- Response to stress.
- Novelty of sex with partner has gone (boredom).
- Just plain old sin.
It turns men on, but turns women off. Women respond erotically to touch, sound, smell, relationship, and romance; men to visual, sounds and nudity. Women need intimacy for sex and desire pleasure from the whole experience. Men don?t need intimacy in quite the same way?the act itself is enough. Men are at greater risk not only of separating sex from love, but of separating sex from real people. Pornography can easily become an impersonal outlet for sex. Dr. Archibald Hart in The Sexual Man
In discussing the breakup a patient?s relationship with a girlfriend and the patient?s subsequent fixation on sex, pornography, and masturbation, Dr. Hart states of his patient: ?It wasn?t healthy sex; it was sex with pictures. Sex with a million little dots?two dimensional array of reflective specks that could neither move nor speak. Yet it had power over him. It had the power to cancel out his need for intimacy by overshadowing it with sensual, sexual excitement.?
D. Break the lust obsession.
- Lust can be a powerful prison and not always overcome by asking God for deliverance from the battle.
- Remove and destroy all porn.
- Change habits--avoid areas where temptation lies.
- Gain control of thought life--don?t feed fantasies, choose to think elsewhere.
- Be accountable--spouse or other male friend
- Get professional help--if all else fails.
Two Closing Thoughts
1. The cost of sexual immorality is always more than you think. No one can pay the price.
2. Nothing good comes out of sexual immorality.
Warning!
Every one of us has someone of the opposite sex other than our wives who is our dream come true?good men, moral men, and religious men are not excluded. These women are so appealing to us that we would sell our souls, abandon our families, and throw away everything we stand for to be with such a person. In a nutshell, none of us, no matter how moral or religious, is beyond the temptation to be unfaithful. If you think you are, ?take heed lest you fall.? Dr. Archibald Hart: The Sexual Man