Conflict and Creating a Culture of Peace

Written by Ed Allen
 Sunday, 31 May 2009 09:00

Sermons - General Sermons

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Sermon Notes

Sermon Passage: Romans 12:18

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Ephesians 4:3

“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Much of the material for today’s sermon was based on work by Ken Sande and Garry Friessen at peacemakers.net.

The Four G’s of Managing Conflict Well

1. Glorify God

1 Corinthians 10:31-33

31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God– 33even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

  • Whatever you do, do it for the glory of God.
  • Our motivation is usually to protect someone or something, or to promote someone or something.
  • James 4:1-3 1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
    • Our conflicts are often driven by our wrong motives and overly energized desires.

Questions to ask a trusted friend regarding your response and glorifying God...

  • What overly energized desire or wrong motive am I bringing to this conflict?
  • Is there a way that I acted in leading up to this conflict which did not glorify God?
  • How can I glorify God in this process?

2. Get the Log Out

Matthew 7:3-5

3”Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

  • We have to flip the switch and learn how to defend the other person and prosecute your own actions.
  • 1 Corinthians 13
  • Jonathan Edwards:
    • A critical judgment is defined as “a disposition to think evil of others, or to judge evil in them.”
    • A charitable judgment is defined as “a disposition to think the best of others that the case will allow.”

Questions to ask a trusted friend regarding the log in your own eye

  • What about this person or situation might be leading me to see this situation wrongly?
  • As I explain this conflict, do you hear me being charitable toward the other person?
  • Do you see the log in my eye?

3. Gently Restore

Galatians 6:1-2

1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

  • We need to manage ourselves with gentleness.
    • Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
  • Our desire needs to be for restoration.

Questions to ask a trusted friend regarding gentleness and restoration

  • Do you hear anything in my approach that is not gentle?
  • What could restoration look like?

4. Go and Be Reconciled

Matthew 5:23-24

23“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Other Sermons on Conflict

Small Group Questions

  1. When you were growing up how did you experience conflict between your family members and how did that make you feel?
  2. What is your conflict style: stuffing or venting?
  3. Read Romans 12:9-21. Which of these aspects of love come easily for you in relating to people and which of them are hard?
  4. The 4 G’s of managing conflict well starts with “Glorify God”. Read 1 Corinthians 10:31-33. Think of conflicts you have experienced in the past. Do you tend to have the wrong motives or are you trying to glorify God through the conflict?
  5. #2 in managing conflict well is “Get the log out”. Read Matthew 7:3-5.
    • Do you currently have specks or a log in your eye that needs to be removed?
    • Is it hard to have charitable judgments (thinking about the best in others) towards people versus critical judgments (thinking negatively about people or judging them)?
  6. #3 in managing conflict well is “Gently restore”. Read Galatians 6:1-3. How is restoration in a conflict situation different than winning?
  7. #4 is “Go and be Reconciled”. Share a time when you were able to experience reconciliation after a conflict.
  8. What is your take away from the 4 ways of managing conflict well? What will you do differently next time to avoid a conflict or when it happens?
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