The Benefits of Intensive Caring
Written by Ed Allen
Saturday, 09 January 1999 19:00
If we want to do relationships healthily we will care for one another. Kindness is intensive caring. A good synonym for kindness is the phrase at the benefits of intensive caring.
Honestly we have different feelings about kindness, don?t we? Almost nobody wants to thinks of themselves as unkind. Still, few of us would go so far as to describe ourselves kind. Either we do not believe our niceness rises quite to the level of kindness, or we think of ourselves as too brusque or awkward to be considered kind.
If the truth were told, even though kindness would be on almost everybody?s list of good attributes few of us would make "being kind" a real priority. It?s really not that important to us. In fact, I have never heard a lesson in church on kindness. I?ve never even heard a new year?s resolution list that included being more kind.
And some have even gone so far as to criticize kindness. "The German philosopher Nietzche hated Christianity for encouraging kindness. He accused Christian love of draining strong people by making them kind driving them to waste their energies on lepers, cripples, and oppressed people. Thus, love weakened the strong of the human race by turning them toward kindness. Were we to rid the world of faith in the Christ, and thus of love, he prophesied, we might again produce supermen. The strong could get stronger and the weak would die out." (Smedes)
Before we get too critical of Nietzche we should admit that some of us have also made a mental connection between kindness and milque toastness. Imagine being encouraged to go on a blind date with the description "he?s really kind." Not exactly awe-inspiring is it?
And yet when God is giving directions on how to be loving and how to build healthy relationships, He puts kindness second on the list. "Love is kind," according to 1 Corinthians 13:4. And in this case the opposite is also true. To be unkind is to be unloving. To be unkind is damaging to relationships. If I want to build strong relationships then I will learn what kindness is and I will practice it.
WHAT IS KINDNESS?
- 1. Kindness begins with energizing empathy
- Empathy is emotional identification. Another word for it is thoughtfulness. Kindness is being so thoughtful about someone?s needs that it is as if you had those needs yourself. In the February issue of America magazine, sociologist William O?Malley wrote a beautiful article on kindness. He said this:
- "This is what love does: it completely understands the needs of another person so it knows exactly how to best meet those needs - then it does what it must."
The writer of Hebrews tells us that Jesus is the kind of ruling religious figure who can sympathize with us completely because he was "tempted in every way, just as we are yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)
One must empathize to be kind. True kindness requires that I walk in your shoes. There is a risk. It can be messy.
2. Kindness is expressed through enriching generosity.
- Genuine kindness will find a way to express itself generously.
- Kindness gives itself away -- freely without being asked. Kindness takes the initiative. If I have to ask you to help me clean my house, then I may feel that you are a good friend. I may appreciate your service. I may applaud your helpfulness. You have done me a great favor, but you have not performed an act of genuine kindness. I?m not criticizing your action. It?s wonderful. It?s just not exactly kindness.
- Kindness takes the initiative
- (Read first half of Jerry Lake story)
- Romans 5:8 "God demonstrated his own love for us in this: while we were yet sinners Christ died for us."
- There is a risk. Can be costly. Generosity gives freely. It doesn?t ask for a loan.
- God?s kindness did not wait for us, but extended itself to us.
Banks are often efficient. They may be friendly. But they are rarely kind, because kindness does not ask for payback. (Are you the type of person to whom people always feel indebted? Chances are you may not be a kind person.)
- 3. Kindness is offered out of empowering weakness.
Nietzche was right that there is a weakness at the heart of kindness. Kindness empathizes; it comes alongside need. It places itself underneath poverty, sickness, despair and deficiency and assumes their weight.
A. Graham?s gift to Dawson and me.
B. See this supremely in the death of Jesus.
Kindness ? grows out of genuine empathy, moves into generous, benevolent action which is offered freely from a place of weakness and service, without condescension or pretention.
THE BENEFIT OF KINDNESS
We said another word for kindness was intensive caring. Visits to the intensive care unit are costly. But this is not true spiritually. Spiritual intensive caring is beneficial.
God?s way is fruitful! It works
- 1. Kindness is empowering.
- Remember we said Paul calls the story of Jesus? death "the foolishness of the cross." What self-respecting religion would believe and teach such a thing?
- Only one that understands the incredible power and strength of weakness. In the end, Jesus triumphs ? not in spite of his weakness but because of it.
- Nietzche was right that there is a weakness at the heart of kindness. Kindness empathizes; it comes alongside need. It places itself underneath poverty, sickness, despair and deficiency and assumes their weight.
Kindness is only offered from a place of weakness. If I place myself over you in any way, as the expert, or the technician, or the truly objective one, or the wise one, or the knowledgable one ? if I place myself over you then I am not offering you genuine kindness. I may be doing you a great service. And kindness is not always required, but real kindness comes from a place of weakness. And love is kind.
Let?s revisit the death of Jesus.
- While Nietzche was right about the weakness inherent in kindness he was wrong in thinking that kindness drains the strong. Kindness may be soft, but it is not frail; it may be tender, but it is not feeble; it may be sensitive, but it is not fragile.
- It is God?s awesome power channeled into gentle healing. Kindness overcomes! It is strong weakness.
- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Paul was glad for weakness because through it he was strengthened.
- 2. Kindness is enriching.
- (Read second of Jerry Lake story.)
This is a neat little story that exactly illustrates Proverbs 11:17 "Those who are kind reward themselves, but the wicked do themselves harm."
In other words, it pays to be generous. True generosity is the type of gift that gives back to the giver.
- 3. Kindness is energizing.
- Kindness begins with empathy, and best of all it is an overall gain and not a loss.
- If you?re anything like me, being empathetic and kind sounds wonderful and I know I should be like that but it just takes too much energy.
- So I was surprised to read in the December 1997 issue of Prevention magazine and the September 1 issue of Family Circle that study after study show that kind people are healthier, they have better relationships and they experience less stress.
HOW TO BE KIND
- 1. Value kindness
- Our culture doesn?t place much value on kindness.
- Cosmopolitan 11/98 "Why Nice Girls Need to Be Mean" "women who try to be kind all the time have a hard time exerting themselves when they need to. Being firm can make their position more believable and stronger than if they are habitually kind. Sometimes you have to stop being sweet and start getting mean."
- In fact, sometimes kindness becomes the brunt of jokes. Fraser episode the other night.
- We must. God says if I want to have effective healthy relationships, I will be kind.
- 2. Remember how kind God has been to you
- Titus 3:4-5
- The cross
- 3. Recognize how God sees you
- Romans 5:8
- Sees us as creatures: dependent, needy. Like little children.
- 4. Notice the needs of others
- What would it be like if we really took care of one another?s needs?
- Remember the math!
ACTS OF KINDNESS
"I Wonder" poem
- A card of encouragement
- A card of thanks
- Shoveling a neighbor?s driveway
- Cutting a neighbor?s grass, or trimming their bushes
- Letting someone in front of you