Dealing With Anger

Written by Ed Allen
 Saturday, 27 January 2001 19:00

Ephesians: Christianity for Dummies

When 46-year-old Eugene Schneider of Carteret N.J. was told by a divorce court that he had to split his estate in half with his wife, he went out, bought a chain saw, and cut his $150,000 home right down the middle. All of us know the power of Eugene Schnieder’s anger. We have felt that power and at times we have let it overtake us. All of us need to hear God’s word today about dealing with anger. And for some of you, anger is a way of life.

It’s evident in the way you speak to your spouses.

It’s evident in the way you handle hurt or conflict.

God has something powerful, penetrating and practical for us to hear today. Let’s listen in.

EPHESIANS 4:26-27

“(26) In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, (27) and do not give the devil a foothold.”

SUMMARY: Anger is to be avoided, but if, for whatever reasons, you get angry, then refuse to indulge such anger so that you do not step out of God’s path for you. With such a misstep, you invite the devil to cooperate with your thoughts and actions.

We can deal with anger appropriately if we ACT based on God’s word and not on our anger.

  1. LIABILITY AWARENESS

    1. ANGER IS INEFFECTIVE

      Anger does not get us what we want:

      Proverbs 15:1

      “(1) A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

      James 1:19-20

      “(19) My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, (20) for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

      God desires the best life possible for us -- a life of fruitfulness and connection to him (the righteous life of God). Anger impedes the expression of that life.

    2. ANGER PRODUCES STRIFE

      This is what motivates God’s concern over anger in the Ephesians context. We began looking at the second half of Ephesians several weeks ago with a lesson we called “How to life the Christian life.” Four points:

      1. The Christian life begins with a calling from God.
      2. The Christian life is lived in unity.
      3. The Christian life is a life of individual service to others with whom we are united.
      4. The Christian life, if lived appropriately, promotes corporate unity and maturity and results in stability and growth.

      Does your life promote corporate unity and maturity? Does your life result in stability and growth? If you are angry it does not!

      Proverbs 30:33

      “(33) For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.”

    3. ANGER IS FOOLISH

      “Anyone who flies off in a rage is going to have a very rocky landing.” --Will Rogers
      “Speak when you’re angry and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” --Laurence Peters

      Proverbs 29:11

      “(11) A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

      Ecclesiastes 7:9

      “(9) Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”

      You have to wonder why the Bible is so clear about the foolishness of anger. The Bible gives a very realistic picture of anger. It even acknowledges God’s anger. In fact, God is said to be angry over 35 times in Psalms alone.

      So why make such a big deal about our anger? I think it’s because we never get it completely right! There are three characteristics about God’s anger that are always clear. His anger is motivated by holiness. He is always slow to get angry. And His anger is short-lived. We are just the opposite. Our anger is never pure. It is always mixed with our own issues. We are quick to it. And we are slow to relent. So the Bible does not equivocate when it says, “Anger resides in the laps of fools.”

  2. MOMENTARY CONTROL

    I like what Alan Redpath said. “There are many queer ideas about cross bearing. I recall a man once saying to me, “I have a fierce temper, but I suppose that is my cross!” “My friend,” I said to him (lovingly, I hope!), “That is not your cross, but it is your sin!”

    Let there be no confusion. If you have a problem with anger, if your anger occasionally gets the best of you, this is no small thing. This means that you are in the regular habit of doing damage to those you love. You frequently alienate people. You abruptly bring relationships to an end. In short, you end up hurting and alone for long periods of time. If you want to stop this cycle you must exercise control over your anger.

    Our lesson is very simple and straightforward. “In your anger, do not sin.” There are no provisos. No exceptions. If you want to live the Christian life appropriately, if you want you life to produce the fruit of unity and maturity, stability and growth, if you want to be a blessing to others, then control your anger. Do whatever it takes to be able to exercise control in the moment of heat. If you need accountability, then seek it out. If you need counseling get it. There are books on anger management. There are seminars that you can attend. Do what you must, but do not sin in your anger. If you do, you will suffer the consequence of fools.

  3. TIMELY RESOLUTION
    • God doesn’t put a time limit on many things -- But here he signals the importance of this issue by placing a time limit on it. And not just any time limit. He says deal with this today.

    • This was a culture that went to bed at sun down. So, for instance, Diane and I have dealt with this imperative by trying to deal with our anger before we go to sleep.

    • If you do not deal with your anger today, you invite the devil to participate with you in your thinking and your actions. You give him home court advantage.

    • Remember 2 weeks ago when we talked about the downward spiral of disobedience? It began we noted with hardness of heart. Well, anger is a prime-time hardener. We harden our hearts and determine to not say anything until they move. Or we harden our hearts and determine to be right, to justify ourselves. Either way, we exit the expressway in the wrong part of town. Either way, we head down a road we don’t want to be on.

    • If we’re going to deal with anger the way God would have us deal with it, then we must get rid of it today. Nothing you are doing tomorrow is more important than dealing with your anger right now. If you are in a relationship where that cannot happen, then get help. Get intervention. Invite someone else into your conflict. Do whatever you must to deal with anger today.

SUMMARY: Anger is to be avoided, but if, for whatever reasons, you get angry, then refuse to indulge such anger so that you do not step out of God’s path for you. With such a misstep, you invite the devil to cooperate with your thoughts and actions.

ADDITIONAL PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS

  1. Don’t associate with those given to anger.

    Proverbs 22:24-25

    “(24) Do not make friends with a hot tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, (25) or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.”

  2. Respond to hardness with softness, to heat with cool.

    Proverbs 15:1

    “(1) A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

  3. Practice listening.

    James 1:19

    “(19) My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

    Most of us practice defending ourselves while the other person is talking.

    Practice listening.


In his autobiography, Number 1, Billy Martin told about hunting in Texas with Mickey Mantle. Mickey had a friend who would let them hunt on his ranch. When they reached the ranch, Mickey told Billy to wait in the car while he checked in with his friend. Mantle’s friend quickly gave them permission to hunt, but he asked Mickey a favor. He had a pet mule in the barn that was going blind, and he didn’t have the heart to put him out of his misery. He asked Mickey to shoot the mule for him.

When Mickey came back to the car, he pretended to be angry. He scowled and slammed the door. Billy asked him what was wrong, and Mickey said his friend wouldn’t let them hunt. “I’m so mad at that guy,” Mantle said, “I’m going out to his barn and shoot one of his mules!” Mantle drove like a maniac to the barn. Martin protested, “We can’t do that!” But Mickey was adamant. “Just watch me,” he shouted.

When they got to the barn, Mantle jumped out of the car with his rifle, ran inside, and shot the mule. As he was leaving, though, he heard two shots, and he ran back to the car. He saw that Martin had taken out his rifle, too. “What are you doing, Martin?” he yelled. Martin yelled back, face red with anger, “We’ll show that son of a gun! I just killed two of his cows!”

 

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