The Price of Pain
Written by Ed Allen
Saturday, 20 October 2001 19:00
The Myths That Bankrupt Your Joy
THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR PAIN Destroying The Myths That Make Us Miserable - Part 3 of 6
Most of us live our lives with a deep commitment to myths that in the long run make us miserable. Sometimes we don't even know that we hold to these myths. Sometimes we recognize them in our thinking, we just don't see the damage they do. For example, 2 weeks ago we talked about our commitment to the myth that if I'm just sincere, it doesn't matter what I believe. We learned that it matters very, very much what you believe. In fact, the substance of your beliefs determines your behavior and ultimately your ability to live a full and happy life. Last week we talked about the myth that I can control it if I worry about it. We know that we don't like to worry. But if we give up worrying we are forced to realize that we don't have control and that's something we are unprepared to accept. So we continue to be committed to a myth that in the long run makes us miserable. Today, we want to look at what may be the most deceptive myth of all. Ultimately this myth causes us to handle pain in a very unhelpful way. In fact, because of our commitment to this myth, we handle pain in such a way that we guarantee our own joylessness. The governing myth that we want to address today is this: I am here to have a good time - if not good circumstances then at least good feelings. You remember the Sheryl Crow song from a few years ago? "All I want to do is have some fun?" Well we agree Sheryl. All we want to do is have some fun and what's even more damaging - we feel like we deserve it. This is why some of us have introduced religion into our lives. We saw it as a way to have good feelings. And we have promised that same thing to others. God will take care of all of your problems and get rid of all your pain. If we don't use those words explicitly, we certainly encourage that impression. And we're not trying to lie. That's part of the myth that we ourselves believe. That's the way some of us handle emotional and spiritual pain. We want to get rid of it any way we can, as soon as we can. Distraction, escape, avoidance, doesn't matter ? whatever works. We'll even try religion if that helps. Today we want to look at how God uses our pain. Hopefully this will help us see how damaging our commitment to the myth of good times really is. Hopefully this will loosen the grip of this particular myth on our lives so that we can experience all that life brings with a deep sense of hope and with joy. I pray that God will enable us to walk honestly and boldly through our pain, as we get a glimpse at what God might be doing in our pain. God uses our pain in 4 specific ways.
God uses my pain to strengthen my character, which is another way of saying He purifies me.
It is a little unnerving to hear the Bible say, "Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the innermost being." (Proverbs 20:30) But with a little reflection, we can agree. We know intuitively the old adage, "no pain, no gain." So something about this piece of truth makes sense to us. Pain strengthens our character. We've heard it over and over again concerning America in the last month since the September 11th tragedy. We have been hit, but it has strengthened us. This is exactly the principle behind James' teaching when he says:
My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; 4 and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.
The trials, according to James, produce a positive effect on our character. Not only does God know this, but He uses pain in exactly this way in our lives. There are many Scriptural examples of this truth, but perhaps the clearest statement of it is in Isaiah 48:10 where God says, "See, I have refined you, though not like silver. I have tested you in the furnace of affliction." ? Word "refined" can also mean "tested." Can see how these words would be related. If metal was too weak, when put to the fire it would fail. But if it was of right character, the fire would strengthen the metal and fit it for greater use. ? God takes that risk with us. He uses pain to strengthen us. So when we try to avoid or escape from pain, at best we are working against God's purposes in our lives. At worst we may be proving ourselves to be spiritually counterfeit. This does not mean that we should run toward pain and seek it out. The Bible does not applaud self-inflicted martyrdom. God's intention is to do us good. To make us holy and happy. But one of His tools in accomplishing that purpose is pain.
God uses my pain to increase my influence, which is another way of saying He equips me through my pain. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 In other words, as we are comforted we become people who are able to comfort others. In fact, this passage seems to suggest that we have no comfort to offer unless we ourselves have been in a position of needing to receive comfort. Unless we have been in pain, and received God's comfort, we are not the kind of people who can impact the lives of others. And all of us know people who are a testimony to that truth. We all know people who have never had any problems - or at least they give the appearance of never having any problems. And they extend very little patience and very, very little grace toward people who have problems. These are not the kind of people who exercise real influence over the lives of others. These are not the kind of people who impact other lives. These are the kind of people we try to avoid. And yet these are often the kind of people we aspire to be. We want to be all together. We want to live painless, carefree lives where everything goes exactly according to plan without stopping to consider that such lives are worthless in their ability to really impact others. I can't tell you how many times I've heard one of you say, "Oh I couldn't do that. I don't have the ability. I'm not good at that." God doesn't need our ability. He has all the ability He needs. He needs our brokenness. He needs the comfort with which we have been comforted. This is what He uses to change lives. God uses my pain to increase my influence over others. This is the way of Jesus. Jesus did not come to impact us by using his strength. His impact is felt through his weakness. Peter tells us it is by his stripes that we are healed. Not by his great teaching. Not by the great buildings he built or the organizations he started. Not even by his overwhelming power. We are healed by his brokenness. He came to serve us and to suffer at our hands. That was his purpose in coming ? so that God could overcome our pain by entering into it, by taking it on and overcoming it. That was Jesus' way and it is the same for Jesus' followers. "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." Someone is here this morning thinking "how can I change that relationship at work? How can I help this person? What can I do about my children? How do I get more involved at Gateway? How do I help my neighbor? I'm not good at this stuff God. What can I do?" You can offer the comfort with which you have been comforted. It is your pain, not your expertise, that qualifies you for ministry. It is your hurt, not your strength, that gives you influence over others. God uses my pain to increase the weight of my life. Through pain, He gives me a life that will make a difference.
God uses my pain to order my life, which is another way of saying He disciplines me through pain. There is a scary truth that has been hiding underneath everything I have said so far. Let's bring it out into the open. It is startling to realize that not only is life hard, but that God sometimes actually orders up the hardness. Sometimes it comes directly from His hand. This adds new meaning to the word 'grace' doesn't it? Grace is a richer word, but it is virtually a synonym for the word favor. I cannot conceive of the circumstances under which I would consider it a favor for any of you to make my life extremely difficult. "Hey, Susan, could you do me a favor? Could you make my life really difficult for a while? And when I ask you to intervene and make things better - to change the things which you have arranged for my discomfort - would you act as if you are just ignoring me?" I cannot conceive of anything that would make me consider this a favor. And yet this is how God behaves at times. What kind of a friend would act this way? I can't think of a single friend I have that would treat me like this. But then I am reminded that my friends, I think without exception, do not love me as much as my parents have loved me. And my parents have treated me exactly this way - or at least it has seemed so to me during the treatment. My parents have forced me to do what was absolutely in the opposite direction of my happiness. They have imposed a misery upon me - certainly it was temporary, but that did not lessen the sense of my misery. And I have in turn done the same thing to my children. I have caused them misery. And I have done so for their good. I have been motivated by the highest form of love that I can muster. I have done it so that their lives might be rightly ordered. If my mother had not made me eat vegetables, I would never have chosen to eat them, or certainly not in the quantities that my health demands. I would have always chosen ice cream over broccoli. I would have always stayed up later - and felt the worse for it. My life would have no rhythm or order. I would be completely without discipline and, therefore, completely incapable of accomplishing anything of any value. And incapable of pursuing and capturing anything of real and lasting pleasure. I am certain now that the misery I was caused was almost always for my own long term good. And I would not chose now to have done without one second of it.
READ HEBREWS 12:1-11
Can you see how fundamentally wrong our mythology is? We are not here to have a good time .. at least that is not God's design for us. God's primary concern is that we share in His holiness and over time that holiness will produce in us the kind of life that we want and the emotional center that we long for. That's what the writer of Hebrews means by a harvest of righteousness and peace. So if our allegiance to our mythology drives us to avoid pain at all cost, we will be working at cross-purposes with God sometimes. And we will deprive ourselves over the long run of the chance at living the life we want to live. God uses our pain to order our lives so that we might be able to live the way we really long to live. It is remarkable that the Bible sees this not as a sign of God's harshness or His firmness or even His justice. The Bible sees such discipline as exhibit A of God's love for us.
God use my pain to clarify my vision, which is another way of saying He humbles me through my pain. In other words, God uses my pain to show me who I really am and how much I need Him. He strips away my dependence on all other things and causes me to depend completely on Him. Have you ever noticed how effectively pain strips away the unessentials from our lives? This is why we still need pain. On this side of heaven we will always be prone to build our lives around the unessentials. We need pain to remind us to cling to what is essential. That's why God said to the Israelites right before they went into the promised land: Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.
I think maybe God values this kind of dependence on him above all things. One of the images Jesus used to describe a true follower of God was childlikeness. He said that we need to be like children or we cannot enter the KOG. I like what Christian counselor, Larry Crabb says about this.
"When Jesus rebuked His disciples for telling a crowd of parents to stop bothering him with all those sick little kids, I don't think he was being sentimental. He was not saying, 'Look at the little darlings. They're so cute! Here let me hold each one.' H was saying something very different. If we had been there, I think we would have understood him to mean something like this: 'Nobody is more needy and has less to give than an infant. Babies never intentionally give anything of value to anyone. Sure, they can be fun to cuddle and fascinating to look at, but never because they want to be. They never look for ways to bless. They're takers through and through, not only because they're selfish (though they are) but because they're helpless. Be like that! You are helpless, so admit it. Learn to receive what you cannot provide for yourself.' He was recommending brokenness, something we live to avoid."
1. If I'm going to live in light of God's truth and handle pain effectively I must choose to see pain as God's tool in my life.
2. If I'm going to live in light of God's truth and handle pain effectively I must embrace my weakness and neediness.