Jeremiah's Complaint
Written by Ed Allen
Saturday, 24 August 2002 19:00
"Redeemed" means "bought back at a price." We know the price was the blood of Jesus. One person who was powerfully redeemed, and has become a great influence in my life, and a great friend, is one of our candidates for eldership. 2 weeks from today we will have a community meeting and vote on elders. The word "Elder" is used interchangeably in the Old Testament with the word "Pastor." I am going to ask Paul Howdershell if he would come and share the story of his journey with us this morning.
>>Paul Howdershell's personal testimony<<
I don't consider Paul's brokenness in his journey a liability; I consider it an asset. I used to consider it unfortunate that the church was led by broken people until I became one of them, and then I realized that's not unfortunate; it's how God gets maximum glory, because He uses people like us.
If you grew up in church, you may not recognize William Cowper's name, but you know his poetry. He wrote the hymns, "O For a Closer Walk with Thee" and "There is Fountain filled with Blood" and more; but Cowper was tormented by fears that he had committed the unpardonable sin and was hounded by rumors of an illicit affair. He eventually suffered a nervous breakdown, attempted suicide several times and was kept in a strait jacket for his own protection. For a quarter of his life he avoided church entirely. When I was younger I might have called Cowper a backslider. I had conversation with a man named Simon. In college, he was asked to read a book called "Honest to God" by Bishop John Robinson which is a frank challenge of the Christian faith and all that we believe; it dismantled Simon's faith and he suffered serious doubt. He could never get his mind completely around the whole story. Simon started going to church again and he said that he could make a confession similar to the father who comes to petition Jesus on behalf of his son and says, "I believe, but help my unbelief."
Barbara is a wonderful woman, excellent mother, valuable member of the community, in everyone's eyes but her own. She suffers from deep depression. She describes her days as swimming upstream and clouded by fog, or mist. She says she feels like she can't see her hand in front of her face, and most of the time it is virtually impossible for her to believe that God loves her. She recognizes that her faith is damaged by this; if He does love her, Barbara confesses, why does she feel so badly?
Is there a place for William and Simon and Barbara in the church? Do they belong here among us? Most emphatically there is. They're in good company. They're in company with people like King David- remember him? "How long, O Lord?" They're in company with Peter, the Apostle Thomas, the Prophet Elijah- all who experienced God mightily and then ran and hid, probably depressed. They're in company with people like Jeremiah. They are in good company, but not necessarily in a good place. Today we want to talk about how we deal with that- disappointment with God, shattered dreams? When I was young, I perceived the Christian life as moving from strength to greater strength, faith to greater faith, victory to greater victory. I no longer see the Christian life that way. I read recently that when we talk about radical obedience we may have overstated ourselves in terms of what radical obedience really looks like. The author went on to say that today somewhere in the US there is an elderly woman in a nursing home who cannot control her bowels. For her radical obedience may be trusting Jesus enough to go have lunch with others and that God will carry her and be with her.
Now I understand more what William and Simon and Barbara experienced and I don't believe that makes my faith weaker. In fact my faith is richer, more robust, more honest than it has ever been. One of my tutors in the process is Jeremiah, so prepare to look at the most gut-wrenching passage in all of scripture. We are going to look at Jeremiah 20.
Listen to Jeremiah 20: 7- on, one verse at a time. Hear the word of the Lord.
"O Lord, you deceived me, and I was deceived. You overpowered me and prevailed. I am ridiculed all day long; everyone mocks me."
Jeremiah has a picture in his own mind of his relationship with God as somewhat like a marriage. Jeremiah himself is God's special chosen bride, specially loved and called, but somewhere along the line, the marriage has gone sour, and sour to the point that Jeremiah could say, "God, you deceived me, and I was deceived". One commentator translates this passage as "you seduced me, and I allowed it to happen." One commentator, almost blasphemously, because that's what Jeremiah is coming close to, suggests it as "God, you raped me- and I was raped."
How did the great prophet Jeremiah end up in this place spiritually? Didn't he hear God's voice, after all? I've heard a number of you say "I just want to hear God speak to me. God speaks to some people, I just want to hear Him speak to me." Didn't Jeremiah hear God's voice? Didn't Jeremiah receive a direct call from God that completely changed his life? Why did this happen?
I want to give you a suggestion today. I believe this happened in Jeremiah's life just like it happens to us today because when unholy people relate to a Holy God it's inevitable that we get it wrong. I've told you before, one of my favorite testimonies I have ever heard was a young fellow in our church in Massachusetts. He liked to talk, you know the kind, so I had him write out his testimony. I read it over, and it seemed good, so on Sunday morning he got up to give his testimony, brought his notes, put them down on the podium, and said, "I've decided today I'm not going to speak from my notes." And I thought "Lord help us!" He said, "My testimony is real simple. Here is what God has taught me. Everything I thought, I have realized, in Christ, is wrong, in fact almost all backwards. What I used to think about women-wrong. What I used to think about the future-wrong. What I used to think about success- wrong. What I used to think about myself-wrong.
When unholy people try to relate to a holy God it is inevitable that we get it wrong. God called Jeremiah and told him, "Jeremiah, I want you to speak my Word for me. I want you to go to the people and tell them to repent. You will uproot nations, tear them down, build nations and destroy nations"- and Jeremiah, despite himself, thought, "Man! Listen to the ministry God gave me! I Rock!" A few decades later, after NO ONE had listened to Jeremiah, he says "God, you deceived me, and I was deceived. You overpowered me and prevailed- how could You not? You're God, who am I? I am ridiculed all day long, every one mocks me- because of the ministry you have given me.
He was partly right. But Jeremiah, like you and I, was also unholy, and therefore desperately wrong.
Verse 8: "Whenever I speak I cry out proclaiming violence and destruction. So the word of the Lord has brought me insult and reproach all day long."
Jeremiah is saying, "I proclaim it, but it doesn't ever happen. It gets me whipped and jailed." That's what happened to Jeremiah. Right before this passage, Jeremiah goes to the temple, and he does one of these physical demonstrations God was always making him do, these nutty things. Jeremiah did a demonstration and told the people in the temple that God is coming bringing violence and destruction"-finally, Pashir, the chief guard of the temple, came and had Jeremiah whipped which was probably 40 lashes. He had him then put in the stockade which probably meant at that time in Israel locked up in an uncomfortable position intentionally to make the muscles cramp, adding insult to injury. Pashir thought better of it, and released Jeremiah the next day, perhaps in response to friends of Jeremiah. But if Pashir believed that Jeremiah's tongue would be silenced he was mistaken. Jeremiah then went to Pashir directly and pronounced God's judgment on his life. Jeremiah would never learn.
Some of you feel that your faithfulness has produced something much different than what you expected. You married with glowing hopes of serving God, together- and it hasn't turned out that way. For some of you, it's career that's been less than you expected. You had visions of grandeur- you were even going to do great things for God. Some of you are far less influential than you envisioned being; frankly, you're far less happy than you thought you would be. And some of us are upset about it. You may have been taught that you couldn't be upset with God. You may not have allowed yourself that emotional response. You may have been taught that faithful people never get upset with God. This is not true. In fact, sometimes what looks like faith is really just denial.
You may not be in a good place, but you are in good company. Faithful people get upset with God because faithful people are unholy people. Unholy people relating to a Holy God don't get it right. So we end up asking the wrong questions- in the wrong way- at the wrong time- with wrong assumptions-about wrong ideas of ourselves, the world, and God. It simply not helpful to think about being upset as a good or a bad thing, it is inevitable, because unholy people inevitably get it wrong. So we end up anxious, desperate, depressed or angry. I am not saying this is a good thing- of course it's not a good thing. I'm saying it's an inevitable thing. Faithfulness is not expressed by denying our disappointment, but by persevering through it.
Jeremiah has had it. He wants very much to give up his ministry, it even seems like he contemplates suicide. He wants to quit- but he can't. Listen to Verse 9:
If I say, "I'll not mention Him or speak anymore in His name!" His word is my heart like a fire, shut up in my bones, I'm weary of holding it in; I cannot.
A genuine encounter with God cannot be denied; it must be expressed. So if you are here today struggling with God, you're in good company, but I want you to know this in advance and I don't say this lightly: He's bigger than you are. He wins. A genuine encounter with God cannot be denied- it must be expressed. And those of you who have had encounters with God, and there are many of you coming back to church through Gateway, you've been gone a long time- I believe you cannot hold it in! It will find a way out.
First of all, this means God is bigger than we are. He has His way with us. He will accomplish His glory and our good in and through our lives in spite of us.
Transformation comes from within not by an act of will, but by an act of grace, because He plants His life within us, and it burns like a fire and must be expressed. (Phillip Yancey)
Secondly this means when there is the absence of expression, when there is no expression, when faith can be forgotten, faith is meaningless. I say this with a heavy heart regarding even members of my own family. Your loved ones- people you know- there is no faith without expression because a genuine encounter with God cannot be denied. You're not here today by accident. You're here driven- compelled- by God's grace planted in you, a fire planted in your bones that will find expression. In spite of your difficulties and upset with God, it will find expression, and He will be glorified and your good will be accomplished- in spite of who you are.
Unfortunately, our righteousness is no guaranty of our popularity. For people who are people-pleasers like me, this is a horrible thing to realize.
In Verse 10:
"I hear many nicknames, terror on every side?report him! Let's report him! All my friends are waiting for me to slip, saying, perhaps he will be deceived. (Perhaps he's wrong. But surely he's wrong! He's been saying this for 20 years- nothing's happened!) Then we will prevail over him and take our revenge on him."
Notice how Jeremiah's cloud had a silver lining- faith always gives God the benefit of the doubt. Listen to Jeremiah's song of praise in verses 11-13:
"But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior, so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail. They will fail and be thoroughly disgraced; their dishonor will never be forgotten.
O Lord Almighty, You who examine the righteous and probe the heart and mind ( that can also be translated, " the one who sees hidden motives and thoughts"), let me see Your vengeance upon them, for to You I have committed my cause.
Sing to the Lord!
Give praise to the Lord!
He rescues the life of the needy from the hands of the wicked."
Application Point 1: Hope and faith come fairly easily for some of you. The Bible talks about the gift of faith, granted by God. Some of you have been placed in our body to pull the rest of us along. We thank God for you. But maybe the hard reality is that life has been relatively easy for you up until now. I hope that Jeremiah's experience will prevent you from looking harshly at those for whom faith is more difficult. The prophet's testimony serves as a powerful warning to you: no matter who you are, life will serve you with some big disappointments and trials. Don't take your faith for granted.
Four suggestions to strengthen and deepen your faith:
1. Linger over life's tough questions.
"If knowing answers to life's questions is absolutely necessary to you then forget the journey. You'll never make it. For this is a journey of unknowables, of unanswered questions, enigmas, incomprehensibles and most of all, things unfair." Madame Guillarme (?)
The biggest question, don't you know, before all of us, is "Why, God?", and He never answers that question for anyone. The Bible is frank and honest about that. People beat their breasts- "Why, God?"
Remember Job? At the end of his life, his life has been turned upside down and Job calls out, "Why, God!" And you know what happened? God showed up, and it's powerful for Job- it completely and radically alters all of his thinking but God never answers the question. He just comes with His Presence and it silences Job.
It's amazing how often Jesus challenged his listener's assumptions. He forced people to question themselves and their assumptions. I like what Andrew Greeley, the priest and novelist said, "If one wishes to eliminate uncertainty, tension, confusion and disorder from one's life there's no point in getting mixed up with Jesus of Nazareth."
1. Linger over life's tough questions. When someone close to you dies of cancer, don't allow your mind to run quickly to your neat theological explanations for why there is suffering iun the world, in fact God will be glorified?.Linger. Enter in.
2. Press into your emotional pain.
There's a little glitch in my back, probably because I turned 25 this year. (Lol). For a year this muscle has been tight. I like Diane to press on that point with all her weight. Sometimes I stretch and press into the pain while in the shower. It's not any fun, but it makes the rest of the day better. Press into your emotional pain. When hurt happens, don't be afraid to ask, "Lord, why does this hurt me so much? Why is this so disappointing? Why do I respond this way- show me what's in me that brings me to this point.
3. Listen to your critics. They are never always right- but they are never always wrong.
4. If you have the gift of faith and hope, thank God. It doesn't come so easily to everyone- so thank God. It did not come easy to Jeremiah.
Jeremiah 20: 15-18
This is deeper depression than we see anywhere in the Bible. I'm desperately sorry that some of you completely understand Jeremiah's hurt. It's been suggested that this section doesn't belong. I'm certain that it does. It may not have been composed the same day or time, but Jeremiah, as editor, put it in for a reason. The word of hope is in the middle of the passage. Life is like that- a battle between hope and despair, and we're not always sure that we're going to win. We don't win because we're faithful- we win because God is faithful.
As I have come to understand Jeremiah, I'm not surprised by this passage. In fact, I'm a little more surprised by verses 11-13 where he is singing praise to God and expressing hope. Hope in Jeremiah is like a wildflower that grows on a mountain that you see as you walk along, causing you to wonder how such a thing of beauty could survive on the rocks, with so little soil, not much sun and no rain: desolation- but there, right in front of you is a beautiful yellow wildflower, peeking out somehow from the middle of a rock. This is hope in Jeremiah. How is hope like that nurtured in a spiritual landscape like Jeremiah's, or mine, a natural skeptic, or yours, who may be inclined to depression, or those of you with powerful desires of the flesh you haven't been able to control and who are carrying the resulting burden of guilt? How is hope nurtured in these spiritual landscapes? How do we do it?
One suggestion, in conclusion, is you ACT AS IF. That's what faith does. Some of you are doing that by being here- you're acting as if. As if it's right, true, as if God is faithful, as if it matters, as if this story is real (and if this story is real, the universe is not just what we see, it is a very different picture.) You are acting today AS IF.
Jesus says, if anyone chooses to do God's will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own.
The poet Mark Van Dorn, when studying Don Quixote, said one of the lessons of this book is: the way to become a knight is to act like a knight.
The monk, Thomas Merton, a student of Mark Van Dorn, said his teacher told him, upon his decision to enter a monastery, that the way to become a saint was to act like a saint.
Act as if.
Some of you have the resolve, if nothing else today, to act as if.
In "A Severe Mercy," author Sheldon Van Auken said, "Choosing to believe IS believing. It's all I can do- choose. I do not affirm that I am without doubt. I do but ask for help, having chosen to overcome my doubt. I do but say, Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief."
I wish all of my obedience sprang from instinctive desire. I wish all that I did for some of you, for Gateway, for my life, for Diane, sprang from a passionate longing to be more like Christ and a deep, compelling conviction that God is sovereign over everything- I wish my obedience sprang from that. It does not.
ACTING AS IF includes the choice to trust and the choice to fear.
Illustrations:
Philip Yancey's description of the poet, Bishop John Dunne:
While very ill, in the book "Devotions" Dunne comes to the choice: to fear God, or to fear everything else. (find out quote from Ed and insert- too long)
Act as if.
CS LEWIS illustration: quote about trust vs. distrust. We ask those in need to believe that what is painful will relieve their pain?we can only rely on the other party's confidence in us. If we succeed, it because they have maintained faith in us against contrary evidence?we accept the Christian proposition this way (ask Ed for this quote too)
Act as if.
Choose to trust. Choose to fear God. That's the way we nurture hope- even when the spiritual landscape is barren.