inHarmony: Where Did My Marriage Go?
Written by Ed Allen
Sunday, 18 October 2009 09:00
Sermons - inHarmony - 8 Simple Principles to Building a Better Marriage
Series Ground Rules
- Listen for yourself (not for your spouse)
- Do not compare stories to yourself, your spouse, or other
- Use what you can
Principle #1: Keep your purpose before you
Ephesians 5:25-33
(25)Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (26) to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, (27) and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (28) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– (30) for we are members of his body. (31)“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (32) This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. (33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Promoting your spouse’s personal welfare
- When fighting, become your own prosecutor and your spouse’s defender
Promoting your spouse’s spiritual welfare
- Talk to your spouse about his or her spiritual life
- Pray with and for your spouse
- Encourage your spouse to go to God
- Build your own connection to God
We sometimes work toward the wrong end – we have false purposes
- For example, we may really believe it is our primary purpose to provide for our spouse.
- Or, we may believe our purpose is to make our spouse happy.
- But really, we are responsible for helping our spouse to be more of what God created him or her to be.
Homework
- Ask your spouse how you can promote him or her spiritually and personally
- Ask your spouse what prevents you from doing this.
- Write a purpose statement for your marriage together.
Keep your purpose before you.
Small Group Study
Icebreaker
Look at Genesis 2:20b-24. As you read this, keep in mind what a radical departure this is from cultural norms. Understanding the atmosphere of the Ancient Near East, we would not be surprised to find a call for a woman to leave all of her significant relationships and to be united fully in this one new relationship. That is a given. But to find a similar charge given to a man, that is completely without parallel in this time period. What is the significance of that? What do you think it means to “become one flesh”?
Biblical overview.
- Look at Ephesians 1:3-4. According to these verses, what is Christ’s purpose in choosing us?
- Look at Ephesians 1:5-9. What is God’s highest pleasure and will for us?
- (Also look at Colossians 1:22. For what purpose was Christ sent to die for us?)
- Now look at Ephesians 5: 25-32. See especially verses 26, and 28-29.
- What does Paul give as the purpose for a husband’s love?
- The word “holy” primarily means to be different, other-than, set apart. It also means to be morally pure. How does this affect your understanding of a husband’s purpose?
- Does this passage shed any light on your understanding of what it means to “become one flesh”?
React/Respond.
- What was Christ’s goal or purpose for His church? How is this purpose a guide for finding our true purpose in marriage?
- What do you see as God’s purpose for you in marriage?
- How does that make you feel?
___excited
___overwhelmed
___confused
___other
Questions for Individual/Couples Study:
Reflect.
- What do you argue about most often in your marriage?
When are you/when have you been the most fulfilled in your marriage?
What do these answers tell you about your purpose in your marriage? - Look at Genesis 2:20b-24. As you read this, keep in mind what a radical departure this is from cultural norms. Understanding the atmosphere of the Ancient Near East, we would not be surprised to find a call for a woman to leave all of her significant relationships and to be united fully in this one new relationship. That is a given. But to find a similar charge given to a man, that is completely without parallel in this time period. What is the significance of that? What do you think it means to “become one flesh”?
- Now look at Ephesians 5: 25-32. See especially verses 26, and 28-29. What does Paul give as the purpose for a husband’s love? The word “holy” primarily means to be different, other-than, set apart. It also means to be morally pure. How does this affect your understanding of a husband’s purpose? Does this passage shed any light on your understanding of what it means to “become one flesh”?
- What purposes, either consciously or subconsciously, have you been pursuing in your marriage?
- Is there anything I need to ask my spouse for forgiveness for in this area?
- Can you think of any practical difference that keeping your purpose before you would make in your everyday married life?
- Psychologist Larry Crabb says “Our highest purpose as husbands or wives is to be an instrument for promoting our partner’s spiritual and personal welfare.” If you are doing this with a spouse, tell one another what the other could do to further promote your spiritual and personal welfare.
Further Reflection: Write out your purpose in your marriage. Pray about this alone and/or with your spouse.